— Farcry 2 —

This game... I am at a loss of words, where to even begin? Well a logical place to start would maybe be where the actual game starts. The game starts off with you choosing from a roster of mercenaries which one of them you would like to play as, you are a typical silent protagonist, which you just so happen to be in many of my other favorites games as well, for some reason, think dishonored, half-life or fallout new Vegas, (which might also be reviewed as well??? I would not know) and so on and so fourth. It would almost seem as though ripping out your main characters throat is just a easy way of making your game a million times better, but i understand that the AAA developers would steer away from that sorta thing, considering the recent %metoo movement. SO ANYWAY(S), the choice of character does not really matter that much in practice, the only thing it changes is what sorta hands you have to look at when reloading the fantastic weaponry, which is something we will get back to, I promise. There is a surprising amount of diversity in the different types of mercenaries you can play as, ranging from a red blooded, freedom fighting, respectable, former IRA Irish lad, to a Jewish man, oh what am i saying, if it wasn't for the Jews we would all still be speaking German. So for my main playthrough of the game, which i play on my hardcore gaming battle station, i play as the Josip guy, who is some old boomer fella from Yugoslavia, or was it Albania? well it was some commie gobbledygook country. Whilst on the playthrough i do of the game on my school computer, which i only play while I'm at school, duhh, i chose the IRA bog trotter, shame they didn't get to kill Thatcher, but then again who did? So now that you have chosen what piece of cardboard that is going to be standing a few centimeters behind the camera your ready to begin.

The game starts of with you driving in a car with some cool African dude, telling you all about the country you are currently in, im gonna try to summarize the little of plot that there is, but don't except me to do as good a job as the African fella. You are some gun for hire type guy, kinda like that obama guy, and you have been payed to go to the war torn country of (insert name of random African country) to kill a weapons seller known as "The Jackal", who is providing guns to the two parties doing the aforementioned war'in, the APR and the UFFL. During the Intro of the game you get malaria which, just like in the real world, is not particularly fun.

Now that we are done talking about all that boring stuff i can finally get into what this game is actually about: shooting guns, yeah you read that right, this is a game were in you actually shoot people with guns, i know this might not seem that shocking today, but remember, this game came out in 2008 (or something like that, cant really be bothered to check) and back then you didn't really see guns at all, especially in video games i tell ya what. This might have something to do with the fact that guns were a very new and recent invention (after 9/11, thanks again Obama) so people didn't really now what they were, so including them in the game is something that is very brave and commendable. "But what is so special about these guns then?" Well to answer a question as stupid as that one i would probably say:

Holy shit I'm so mad like im literally fucking shaking holy fuck you're cringe. Like millions of years of human evolution and we get a fucking retard like you. Your parents must be bloody proud of creating a troglodyte air waster such as yourself. I am going to key your fucking car you sub human and the I will fucking force myself upon you, you fucking disgusting retard twat. After that I will behead you while reciting foodio poetry and post the vid on to r/foodioreviews. This is your fucking end retard and I hope you experience unimaginable pain knowing that you will have given me the GPS location of all your blood relatives who I will also execute for creating a cringe fuck dumbass who probably hasn't even seized a means of production or harassed a minority. Honestly fcuk you you're cringe.

You fuckwit you didn't even listen. I'm going to have to explain it to you in a way even a boot licking 10 chromosome retard can understand. You suck and should fucking die bitch. Lmao, make up your mind you limp dicked cuck. Now as a person who has occupied all of the extremes at least once between 1900 and now let me tell you that cringe stupid question asking whores are always the first to go. Like how to you meant to survive in a world where only the strong survive when you can even move since you've got a picket fence post lodged so far up your ass it makes lesbians wish they were straight. I'll tell you one thing though when I'm done with you your G spot will resemble the skip behind planned parenthood but with a lot more burn marks you bitch.

Honestly I'm fucking done with you, you're just a broken record asking your cringe bitch ass non questions. To stupid to understand. Like the fuckwit you are all you probably do is try to persuade people to accept mediocrity because your testosterone levels are lower than my fucking balls. You probably aren't even wholesome 100 and don't suck the foreskin off minorities even though that's what a true ancom would do. As a great man once said, you're not a man till you had a man. This line shows the lack of character you retarded fucking grifters have. After I assault your first born I will make you watch as I Lynch your wife you fucking disgusting race mixer. A traitor to Chad's and cucks alike you will be forgotten and your bitch question will die out and I'll seize the means of production while fucking your dad you fuc...


[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]

[THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]


... and that is exactly why i believe the bronze age stated wayyyy to early, i mean going back to what i said about the library of Alexandria, it just is like that sometimes, but anyways, I'm glad we were able to put all that nastiness behind us, I'm glad you where the better person and apologized for that stupid question, but i also wanna apologize for most of the stuff i said back there as well, i just get these heated gamer moments sometimes, you know how i get, so I'm glad we were able to become friends again. Yeah i know right, its kinda crazy how this back and forth conversation actually works. Its almost as though the 4th wall of this place is a thin as a [THIS PORTION OF THE REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE SÄPO]. But hey, lets get on with the review again shall we? Were was I... yes! i was talking about why the guns are so special, well the big surprise is that they actually aren't! well not in a traditional way, you most of the guns in this game is actually pretty shit, i mean they even jam and brake, where else do you see that kind of thing huh? amazing. And that's why they are so special, its because they aren't, the absolute horribleness of the games weaponry is what makes them stand out. All the guns that are lying around and being used by enemies pluss all of the guns that are available for purchase during the beginning hours, consists mostly of shitty cold-war era weapons (and i know how much yall like leaning about the cold war). Its not a few hours into the game that you get access to more advanced weaponry, like the mp5, which is being used by both Norwegian special forces and terrorists (if there even is a difference) i guess the only thing that separates them is, as the old fella said, THE STOCK!

So yeah, all in all the Patos hot pepper rolls are pretty good as far as roll shaped feelings go, I'm gonna have to give them a strong 7/10.

Keep on keeping on! And remember to subscribe so that you don't miss out on the next episode of Foodioreviews. Thanks for watching! 

-Erl Rakish Lynn

Sources: pictures - Steam screenshots Rhetorical expertise - Ethos Patos and Logos The long rant - some guy from reddit 

Foodio!