— Mount and Blade Warband Part2 —
Hello there fellow gamers, after the supposed "failure" that was my review of the masterpiece Farcry 2, i came to the conclusion that i would need expert help on writing my next video game review, so i brought in the legendary steam reviewer Sam Porter Bridges, or as you might know him, Waterguy, who is famous for having review Farris. So with our powers combined we are hopefully able to give this Turkish game a review fit for the ages. The game takes place in a land of five factions, who are all in constant war for throne of Calradia. The five factions are as follows: The Kingdom of The Nords, The Kingdom Of Swadia, The Kingdom of the Rhodoks, The Khergit Khanate, The Kingdom of The Vaegirs and The Sarranid Sultanate. The Kingdom od The Nords is the most glorious faction in the game, under the rule of King Ragnar the red they will crush the Swadian filth and take over the frozen castles of the gopnik Vaegirs. They do not use horses because they are honorable who fight man to man and do not cover behind a smelly steed. The Nord Huscarls will roll over the battlefield crushing everything in their path like a dampveivalser. In the cold, harsh region where the faction originates you will not run into virgin forest bandits, but rather the chad sea raiders, who will defiantly drink from your skull. Next up are the Swadians, who are to Calradia what Nazi Germany was for Europe, expect the part where they actually conquer territory. Being ruled by King Harlaus, a man who would rather hold feasts than go to war, and who will defiantly sit back in his castle munching butter at the same time as his vassal villages are being pillaged and looted. Being placed right in the middle of all the other factions, the Swadians are likely to be the first faction to be destroyed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing if you catch my drift.
The one redeeming factor might be that the Swadian knight is an absolute unit of a unit... who will destroy most of anything that isnt in a place where a horse cant reach it, pared with some Nord huscarls you will have an army that can rival most anything. But on the rare off chance that you would ever join as a vassal of the Swadians and then do the even rarer thing of actually conquering a castle from one of their enemies, there is about 0.0023% chnacge that you would ever end up with this castle for yourself, seeing as Harlus is a greedy bitch who will give you like 300 denars for it and go back to snorting butter at Praven. Absolutely horrible ruler, and even horribler faction.
Thirdly comes the Rhodoks, who i truly don't have much to say about, they are like flemmish or something? and i'm pretty sure their king is named Gravy or something? and uhh... Ah yeah, they use crossbows, which is pretty cool i guess, they have this one castle called grimwalder or something, which is impossible to siege, come to think of it most of their castles are actually very well made for defending. Fourthly we have the Vaegirs, who are like the Slavs of calradia, they like bows and that's pretty much it, there lordly title is Boyar though, which is pretty fun. Fifthly we have the Sarranids, they are like the middle easterners of calradia, they have a lot of spices and they have pretty cool armors, also their themes are very good. Lastly there are the Khergs, who are like the mongols, wich is ironic considering that they are mong... ahah just kidding please don't hurt me with your tard strength, they are like really good at riding horses, something that isn't surprising when you realize that they partake in bestiality.So now that we have all the factions dealt with we can go on to the actuall gameplay, but first i will talk quickly about the graphics TOO BE CONTINUED
Foodio!! And Merry Christmas